life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
