I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
