he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
