my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
