i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
