Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
