make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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