I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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