i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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