She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
