the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
