Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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