I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
