Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
