The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
