Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
