Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
