imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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