Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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