those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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