I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
