I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
