fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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