Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
