Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
