id be glad to
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
