Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
