im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
