it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
