So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
