Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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