what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
