i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A+ Viking dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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