My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
