Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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