Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
