i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
