dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
