I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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