We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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