she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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