There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
