Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
