Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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