My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
