Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
