Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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