Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
