Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
