I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
