You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
