Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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